Long-Distance Relationships are quite different to regular relationships, and not the easiest, but they can be a lot of fun.
I myself am starting out in my own LDR and am adjusting and learning about this new way of living!
So, I am dating a Korean man, who I met while he was on his year abroad at my University. We’ve been together for months and get on very very VERY well. Sadly his time at the University came to an end and he is now back in Korea (*cue sad music*) BUT! We are still together! (*cue happy music*)
Having seen and felt what it’s like transitioning into a long-distance relationship, I can tell you a few of the things you can expect if you go through the same thing.
And today’s Song of the Day is (very fittingly) 2ne1’s Missing You:
It’s sad. You love them. They love you. Time and distance are dragging you two to different parts of the planet. Whether a couple hours or a couple days away from each other, distance is scary, so prepare to get a little emotional.
I was very lucky that my boyfriend is super wise and sweet, so he always knew the right thing to say to cheer me up, but the inevitable tears upon seeing the train doors close hit me with quite a shock and my sister, best friend and I all ended up in a mushy, sobbing, hugging mess.
Be ready to want to cry, not want to cry, your partner to not want you to cry and you to pray for your partner not to want to cry. Do your very best not to let your feeling overflow too much, especially if you aren’t the one leaving. I feel bad for how sad I was because it was my boyfriend who had to leave me behind, and the last thing I wanted was to make him feel bad.
After they go, you might find that EVERYTHING reminds you of you SO (SO= Significant Other) and everything draws your attention back to them – especially if you are the partner who stayed, as you have all the places and things you did together to remind you.
Even my ‘day job’ workplace reminds me of my boyfriend, as that was where we last ate together. During my first shift after him leaving, I thought the reminder was painful, but then found it made me happy as it was a special memory for us. I did almost cry on a customer I served at that table, but they were happy tears. I swear.
Parting with the person you love is stressful, no doubt about it, and stress can really affect our bodies. It can mess with our appetite, screw up our sleeping, throw off our immune system and even make us feel ill without any illness!
After my boyfriend left, I felt very ill. I had this unwell feeling in my stomach and kind of wanted to just lie down and wait for the discomfort to go away. But, thankfully, I worked out that it was just psychological and decided to let my brain do its thing and wait for it to pass.
You might actually get a little ill, but you might also just feel a psychological response to emotional upset.
Just take it easy, eat and drink right, and TRY to get enough rest.
The urge to become part glue-monster
Being apart is tough and you might feel the near overwhelming urge to become super clingy.
Pay attention to this urge and do your best to control it. Even if your boyfriend/girlfriend is a saint, they will still get a little annoyed if you become insanely clingy.
You may not even be aware you’re doing it, so here are a few things you should make sure NOT TO DO:
Rant about how horrible/hard an LDR is
If you are obsessing over how hard a long-distance relationship is, then you are not properly embracing the experience. You are a couple who have decided that you want to stay together and keep strong, no matter how big the divide. Your relationship isn’t on standby, it’s just operating differently, so try to see the best in it. I am already enjoying keeping up with my boyfriend over the many MANY different platforms for communication we have at our disposal.
Track their every move
Remember, your SO is a human with a private life and free will, so don’t try to follow their every step and record every breath they take. You just care and want to be a part of their life, but don’t crowd them. I know I’m tempted to ask my boyfriend about every little detail, but I’ll let him decide what he thinks of sharing with me – just like when we were in the same room. Express interest in their life and ask questions, but don’t full on stalk your own gf/bf! Keep it cool.
Focus only on yourself
Don’t sit and rant for hours about how you feel about stuff without asking how your partner feels – get their feelings and opinions. Care about what they have to say.
Criticize them for being away
Whatever you do and whatever frustration you may be feeling about things, DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON THE OTHER. Maybe they aren’t actually there in person when you are having a crappy day. Maybe they are asleep when you feel like chatting. Maybe they couldn’t make it over for your Birthday. Whatever the problem is, do not blame them for being away. Whether you or they left, have compassion that it is as hard for them to be away from you and it is for you to be stuck away from them. Stuff happens, people can’t do everything and problems arise – but you’re in it together! 🙂
Get super jealous!
Whatever you do (and this is the MOST IMPORTANT ONE) DO NOT get really jealous of your partner. Don’t get mad with them if they are hanging out with friends (even friends of the opposite sex) and don’t give into the temptation of letting paranoia gnaw at your brain. It is toxic and is likely to do much more harm than good for your relationship. If something funky is going on, you will know, so don’t let paranoia mess things up for you.
I know it might be difficult for you and your partner to be apart (we’re going through the same thing), so just remember to be kind to yourselves and each other and to remember that, even if you are miles and miles apart, the relationship is fun, loving and worth it. Respect each other, trust and remember why you decided to get into it in the first place.
We wish you all the best!
If you are in a Long-Distance Relationship and/or have any comments, questions or want to share your experiences, share them in the comments, message us or send us a Facebook or a Tweet!